How to talk to your daughter about her body, step one: don’t talk to your daughter about her body, except to teach her how it works.
Don’t say anything if she’s lost weight. Don’t say anything if she’s gained weight.
If you think your daughter’s body looks amazing, don’t say that. Here are some things you can say instead:
“You look so healthy!” is a great one.
Or how about, “you’re looking so strong.”
“I can see how happy you are – you’re glowing.”
Better yet, compliment her on something that has nothing to do with her body.
Don’t comment on other women’s bodies either. Nope. Not a single comment, not a nice one or a mean one.
Teach her about kindness towards others, but also kindness towards yourself.
Don’t you dare talk about how much you hate your body in front of your daughter, or talk about your new diet. In fact, don’t go on a diet in front of your daughter. Buy healthy food. Cook healthy meals. But don’t say “I’m not eating carbs right now.” Your daughter should never think that carbs are evil, because shame over what you eat only leads to shame about yourself.
Encourage your daughter to run because it makes her feel less stressed. Encourage your daughter to climb mountains because there is nowhere better to explore your spirituality than the peak of the universe. Encourage your daughter to surf, or rock climb, or mountain bike because it scares her and that’s a good thing sometimes.
Help your daughter love soccer or rowing or hockey because sports make her a better leader and a more confident woman. Explain that no matter how old you get, you’ll never stop needing good teamwork. Never make her play a sport she isn’t absolutely in love with.
Prove to your daughter that women don’t need men to move their furniture.
Teach your daughter how to cook kale.
Teach your daughter how to bake chocolate cake made with six sticks of butter.
Pass on your own mom’s recipe for Christmas morning coffee cake. Pass on your love of being outside.
Maybe you and your daughter both have thick thighs or wide ribcages. It’s easy to hate these non-size zero body parts. Don’t. Tell your daughter that with her legs she can run a marathon if she wants to, and her ribcage is nothing but a carrying case for strong lungs. She can scream and she can sing and she can lift up the world, if she wants.
Remind your daughter that the best thing she can do with her body is to use it to mobilize her beautiful soul.
Grandmother Fish is the first book to teach evolution to preschoolers…
Early draft PDF
rebbloging everytime I see it
We’re having another baby, too! Due around Jan/Feb
We went for a gender screening yesterday, but the legs wouldn’t open (which is why I assumed it’s a lady.)
So, now we’re not sure if we’ll find out until the birthday, or what. But figured I’d update people we couldn’t see in person.
Last night, while playing soccer outside, Adam and I ran into this cat we sometimes see around the street. I told Adam to go say hi, and he went up to the cat and said “Hola, Soy Adam. ¿Como te llamas?” …basically.
Also, just now, from the other room, I heard him counting down from 13 (at least). I get 10, but 13, where’d he get the idea to do that?
It’s kind of weird and great finding out what he knows. It’s probably just the tip of the iceberg, what he’s actually expressing.
Adam and I watched Jurassic Park yesterday.
His favorite parts were the Galimimus scene (above) and the Brachiosaurus sneeze. Those he asked to watch over and over.
He didn’t seem scared during the “scary” parts. I was explaining as they happened that the T-Rex was asking the kids to come out of the car (I fast-forwarded where the guy gets eaten off the toilet), and that the raptors were chasing, etc.
Hopefully no nightmares…
I’m reading Carol Dweck’s book, Mindset, for class. It’s pretty interesting. A quote about praise for children:
"Listen for the messages in the following examples:
"You learned that so quickly! You’re so smart!"
"Look at that drawing. Martha, is he the next Picasso or what?"
"You’re so brilliant, you got an A without even studying!"
If you’re like most parents, you hear these as supportive, esteem-boosting messages. But listen more closely. See if you can hear another message. It’s the one that children hear:
If I don’t learn something quickly, I’m not smart.
I shouldn’t try drawing anything hard or they’ll see I’m no Picasso.
I’d better quit studying or they won’t think I’m brilliant.
The book is about having a fixed or growth mindset. With more context, the example above makes a better, really good, case. Lots of examples about general things like relationships, business, education, etc.
How do you use praise? Remember that praising children’s intelligence or talent, tempting as it is, sends a fixed-mindset message. It makes their confidence and motivation more fragile. Instead, try to focus on the process they used - their strategies, effort, or choice. Practice working the process praise into your interactions with your children.
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